Tempations - Ain’t No Sunshine [Worst Cover of Any Truly Awesome Song By What I Used to Consider a Decent Musical Group Maybe Ever]
Ready to be severely disappointed? Here’s the Temptation’s straight up butchering Bill Withers’ Ain’t No Sunshine! Holy shit is it bad. I have not been so hyped then suddenly let down in a while…
The original Withers version is 2:03 long—really gets to the point. And the twenty-six (just recounted them) “I know”s in the middle of the track with just Bill’s voice and the drums is one of my favorite riffs/moments of all time in any song period. This horror show by the Temptations is over seven minutes long. Here’s the play by play:
1. Intro—Amazingly shitty guitar riff starts it out. The only percussion is the high hat. Temptations come in crooning “Doodle-oodle-oodle-oodle-oodle-oodle—ooh-hoo-hoo-hoo. Ain’t no sun-shiii-hii-ine.” Yeah. It’s as terrible as it sounds. Ridiculous harmonizing on the “when she’s gone.” And they even throw in something about rain. Totally unnecessary modifications and quite annoying.
2. Finally, after 2:19 (yeah, the longest, stupidest intro ever) there’s a cheesy horn blast that sounds like it came out of the middle part of Sgt Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band. Finally, after I’ve already lost interest in the track, someone figures out how to turn the volume up on the guitar and kicks the drummer awake. A really cheesy sounding bass comes in as well! This is what I’ve been waiting 2:19 for? Holy Jesus!
3. I think the Temptations were listening to the Doors, as well, because there are subtle rain sounds (I think) and the piano straight out of “Riders on the Storm.” Well, a bastardized version for sure. This shit goes on for another minute and a half! That’s almost the entire length of the original… Please let the Temptations redeem themselves… now!
4. Okay, vocals come in for the first verse. No redemption in sight. This guy’s voice is not even close to Withers quality.
5. At 4:45 the verse ends—drum break. Perfect time for some “I know”s! Let’s go! Wait, no. Just a retardo jam session. Were they listening the Grateful Dead, too? Guys: just be yourselves!
6. Oh, dear. At 5:40 we start to get some “I know”s… and now I don’t want to know anymore. Ooooh—and they also fall short of the 26 mark: we only get 20 “I know”s. God. I just got the strangest feeling like I’m hearing Jermain Jackson trying to fill in for MJ. It just ain’t happenin.
7. Now we’re at 6:04. I could have listened to the original 3 times already, but no. I listened to this piece of shit cover, and I’m starting to get really depressed. Hey, let’s finish on a high note! And for the “high notes,” the Temptations decide to bring back the falsetto guy from the terrible intro. Sorry—I’m not going to look up his name because I’m really fucking pissed at the Temptations right now.
8. Wow. What an ending. At 7:01, all the instruments drop out, and just in case you forgot how terrible the intro was, you basically get a rehash with one last “Ain’t no sunshine when she’s gone.”
Terrible. Disgusting. Sad—but for all the wrong reasons. Well, maybe this is what the Temptations were trying to accomplish. I’m no longer bummed about that girl leaving and taking the sunshine with her. I’m just pissed off.
Motown Horror.
